


Grasping

by AuroraExecution



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Power of Words, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-20 14:39:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraExecution/pseuds/AuroraExecution
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grasping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [catbirdfish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/catbirdfish/gifts).



> This was my response to [](http://catbirdfish.livejournal.com/profile)[**catbirdfish**](http://catbirdfish.livejournal.com/)'s prompt of "one day I will find the right words, and they will be simple" at [](http://okydoky.livejournal.com/profile)[**okydoky**](http://okydoky.livejournal.com/)'s HP Valentine Comment Fest.  Original post is [here](http://okydoky.livejournal.com/85059.html?thread=1003843#t1003843). 

When he is eleven, a boy rejects his offered hand on the train. His father finds out later and scolds him for it, for not being diplomatic enough or grown-up enough to make the boy like him. _One day_ , Draco tells himself as he tries not to cry over his scolding, _one day I will find the right words_.

At fourteen, Draco loses more fights than he wins when he picks them with Potter, yet he keeps picking them. Somehow, no matter how Slytherin Draco is or how long he spends thinking up clever insults, Potter still manages to surprise everyone with his suddenly sharp tongue. _One day_ , Draco swears as he turned away from yet another unsuccessful fight, _one day I will find the right words_.

Time passes, and Draco finds himself sixteen, marked, and living as an adult. He speaks kindly to a Muggleborn ghost, his only friend in the entire world, and learns to fight to live. Some days he sees Potter, who is never alone, and Draco both resents him and wishes Harry would just make it all end somehow. _One day I will find the right words_ , Draco repeats in his head, but he is too afraid for his family to approach Potter.

The war ends when Draco is eighteen, and Potter does save him then. Somehow, Potter asks for clemency to the families of former Death Eaters, especially those who helped him in the war in some way. The Malfoy family is let off far more easily than they had ever dared to hope, and Draco finds his way to a future. He writes several letters of gratitude to Potter, all of which end in the rubbish bin. A few times, he tries to thank Potter in person, but always retreats in the end, unable to think of what to say. Each time, Draco promises himself: _one day I will find the right words_.

At twenty-one, Draco saves Potter in Diagon Alley from a would-be assassination. Potter drops by his workplace to thank him and drags Draco out for drinks. From then, they begin to meet more and more often, but Draco is never sure what it means until Harry kisses him and goes home with him-- _one day_ \--on Valentine's Day, Harry talks to him about futures and dreams and love-- _one day I will find_ \--and Draco spends the night watching Harry sleep, afraid to lose even a moment before the day Harry inevitably leaves-- _the right words_ \--every moment with Harry overwhelms him and makes him feel a dozen things that he doesn't know how to verbalize-- _and they will be simple_.

The summer Draco is twenty-three, Harry grows sick of Draco's silence and walks away with an aching heart. Draco can't bring himself to ask Harry to stay because he knows by now that Harry would probably do it. Harry turns back over and over as he leaves for the last time, and Draco almost calls after him, except he can't think of what he could possibly offer. _One day I will find the right words_ , he whispers to himself in the dark that night, because he wants to thank Harry for giving so much to someone like him.

He returns to Hogwarts the next year and talks to his friend the Muggleborn ghost. For hours, he sits in the abandoned girls' lavatory and lets everything spill out, about how much Harry has saved him, and how he could never find a way to say what he meant, and how Harry has moved on to someone better now. She tells him it's all right, that she's happy to see him because she's been lonely, and she tells him to accept that there are things he will never find quite the right words for, but he should still try. _I will find the right words..._

Soon it's Valentine's Day again, and Draco suddenly remembers three years past, Harry lying beside him and speaking of tomorrows. He remembers jealously hoarding every second of that day, even when Harry was asleep. He remembers a lifetime of searching for words and telling himself he would get there one day. In the evening, Harry receives a letter by owl that says only: "I never found the right words for you; I hope you find someone who can." _...and they will be simple_.

Before the end of the night, Harry is standing in Draco's arms again. Draco still can't find the exact words he's always wanted, but Harry promises to find them for him. Harry babbles on about not wanting to leave and missing Draco and how much he's loved Draco all along, and Draco lets himself respond naturally this time. Because they may not be the perfect words Draco has been looking for, but they are simple and honest and real, and Harry deserves to hear them.

They may not be perfect, but, as Draco lays awake and watches Harry sleep not because he's desperately grasping at something that's slipping away but just because he wants to, he knows they are the right ones.


End file.
